the confinement of your aloneness 


118/366: today I am grateful for silence and for words that stretch my consciousness. 

and I wished you well

  
114/366: today I am grateful for a glimmer of witness perspective. đź’ś

leave it to the breeze

   
 
113/366: today I am grateful that when I ask for help, the universe responds. đź’ś

my momma told me there’d be days like this 

111/366: tonight I am grateful for my girlfriends who came over for food this evening. đź’ś

probably the guides are closer in such a place 

  
108/366: tonight I am grateful to be a day trip away from a beautiful place on our planet. And I am happy I know that I am never alone. 

Crystal clear 

  
107/366: today I am grateful for an afternoon with one of my spiritual sisters. 

crystal clear

  
107/366: Today I’m grateful for an afternoon with one of my spiritual sisters. 

new year new blog 

  
https://giftsofthesituation.wordpress.com

all of it

This epic year, so much change, so much transformation. Lots of pain but I am grateful for my perspective and all the people who helped me navigate it…

  1. my neighbor girl who’s own life has undergone epic epic change.
  2. my fifth sister who is safe harbor no matter what.
  3. my family who have been huddled closer as we go through major transformation.
  4. my child for staying on the planet and displaying amazing perseverance.
  5. namesake for agreeing to stay here with me no matter what.
  6. my dad for sharing his burden with all of us – we are all better for going through this.
  7. my brother for understanding things in new ways.
  8. as I write this I realize how amazing my people are.
  9. my puppy who has saved my ass every damn day.
  10. the new people who have presented themselves this year and helped me understand myself in ways I previously didn’t.
  11. friends who are articulate, with the exact dose of emotional intelligence necessary to understand my silly world.
  12. all the podcasts I listened to and my epic trip to Boston to see one live.
  13. squishy hugs that grounded me and helped to keep me safe in the moment.
  14. walking in the woods this summer and learning to enjoy walking on the beach.
  15. the time and space to make art just because.
  16. learning how not to be attached to outcomes.
  17. being able to connect with spirit in new ways and having some confidence about it.
  18. finding joy in teaching little ones how to read.
  19. connecting with old friends in ways I couldn’t before my relationship ended – the void that left, which still stops me in my tracks with grief – has opened up space for more people to show their love and appreciation for me in ways I wouldn’t have experienced.
  20. my therapeutic person for getting it and being a nurturing loving presence in my life.
  21. my social worker friend who walks this parenting walk with me every step of the way.
  22. having time and space to go on some adventures with old and new friends this summer.
  23. the simplicity of walking around my adopted home town and sampling the local offerings with friends who make me laugh.
  24. turning 50 and feeling 25.
  25. getting to see parts of my adopted state I hadn’t seen before.

I could write a list of 1000 things I was grateful for this year. One of my old friends recently said hello with a holiday update – I hadn’t talked with him in several months. As I heard myself relay my update of this year, I realized how bleak it sounded to his fresh ears. It is bleak – it’s been a crappy year and honestly – I’ve had a lot of sorrow and heartbreak for much of the last several years. I have been learning to temper my sadness and anger with the gifts of every situation – even the ones filled with despair. I think it might be the trick to surviving.

Next year, I know things will be lighter. I know that I have to let people in and learn how to feel safe.

Work in progress, trusting this life.

 

duck food 

  

  1. grateful for a snow day when I could bake and make Christmas presents all day 
  2. and hang out with 5th sister and her girl 
  3. and laugh my ass off while my friend told me silly jokes 
  4. and make fun plans for tomorrow